It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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