Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
