any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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