a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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