from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
