I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
