We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
