people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
