i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
