So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
