ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
