If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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