I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
