the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
