I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
