Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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