ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
