allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
