just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
