Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
