Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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