The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
