When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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