she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
