dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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