so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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