May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
