i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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