I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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