the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
