My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
