I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could fuck to npr.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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