So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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