I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
