So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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