In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
