Where did you get a picture of my penis
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
