wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
