I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
