Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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