I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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