he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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