you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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