I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
