I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
