he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
