You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
