we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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