why didn't you poke me back
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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