Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
